Yourspace Sucks

Before I quit going to Myspace altogether, I used to check my Bulletin Board frequently, and I'd often see posts to it that go something like this:

"If someone by the name of j_licksmynads20890572384 wants to add you to their list don't accept it. Its a virus. Please pass this on to everyone on your list. PLEASE COPY/PASTE AND REPOST this, or you will have the worst day of your life; your grandmother will die of prostate cancer, and Satan herself will emerge from the fiery depths of Hell to perform a rim job on your pet goldfish!"

Who actually believes that shit? You? In the words of my hero, Red Forman, "You're a DUMBASS!!"

But I will stop for a second and acknowledge that in some far-off corner of the Twilight Zone, the first sentence of the sample bulletin I just quoted might actually be the truth. That leads me to the main point of this rant...

Why, oh, for the love of Twinkies, why, would you add someone you do not know to any of your friends lists (Myspace, Facebook, or otherwise)? I can understand adding movie pages, music artists, celebrities, and filmmakers, etc., but not normal people. What kind of gratification do you get by having a jacked-up number of friends on your list? Do you think it makes you look popular or something? Wait a minute... THAT'S IT!!

You're one of those kids who used to get the shit kicked out of them in school!! You used to get upside-down head-in-the-toilet swirlies and now your revenge is adding a bunch of other mindless twats to your friends list so you can act like you still aren't the same dork who was made to eat dog shit in grade school. Grow some fuckin' nuts, pal. You know what you do when you are made to eat dog shit and can't retaliate with some smack-down? You don't add a bunch of people to your friends list; you think about taking up mouthwash.

Or are you one of those silly little perverts who actually believed that "Riza", "Jiggaboo", "Shyanne", and the rest of their friends are new at this whole internet thing and think you're cute? If so, please wrap yourself in aluminum foil and fuck a light socket. You'll get more action that way, as will I and your local ABC News affiliate.

If anyone is the virus on Myspace and Facebook, it's you. oMg u sO neEd 2 grO Up LOL!!

P.S. - I'll probably address this in a later rant, but let me go on record now and say that all of you dull-witted motherfuckers need to go back to elementary school and learn proper spelling and grammar. You're right below Bible-Thumping and / or Right-Wing Conservative Fundamentalists on my list of people I'd like to blink out of existence.