The human wasteland

I'm a rather liberal person. I believe it's a woman's choice to have an abortion, gays should be allowed to marry, and the American Indian is the only minority group in the U.S. that has any right to complain about prejudice and racial bigotry. But one thing I am not open on is liking you.

In fact, I hate your guts. Humans are nothing more than petulant children who whine if they don't get their way and resort to force in order to fulfill their wants. Although I will not resort to your level and treat you in a callous way upon meeting you, do not mistake my courtesy for any sort of fondness for you. I do not like you, and, judging by my track record of misanthropy, I will never like you.

I'm all about the individual. Each person, no matter how hard they try to belong to a larger group of other simple-minded, carbon-based assheads, is an individual. If you impress me enough on a personal level, I may choose not to dislike you. There's always hope, and I haven't given up on you yet - even if you are a member of the biggest piece of monkey crap, pig vomit species on this beautiful collection of continents we live on. Except Africa. Africa sucks ass.

And many of you crack babies may consider me to be a snob. That is far from the truth. I like to think of myself as a prudent observer of human nature (i.e. I make great note of your assclownishness), and fastidious in my choice of contact with your kind (in other words, I tend to keep you the hell away from me). Dostoevsky once said that Man is "extraordinarily, passionately, in love with suffering" - now why would I want to associate with a bunch of meanie-pants dickheads like that?

In summation: screw all of you ugly bags of water, hot air, and assholes. Good night.

(Tune in next week for Chris Gaskey's Tips for the Home & Garden)