Reasons why my little sister is a BAMF...

My little sister is eleven-years-old. Don't let that fool you. She's quite possibly the coolest kid in the history of ever. I know people who are related are partial to one another (or, are supposed to be), but I really mean this. Let me clarify how I base this assessment...

I was raised by my mother in a rather unorthodox way. When I was four-years-old, she put in a video tape (well, actually, I did, because she didn't know how to do it, and I was the one who operated the electronic devices, but I digest...) and said "You HAVE to watch this!" It was The Evil Dead, and it started my love of horror films. We had HBO, as well, and I was allowed to watch it whenever I wanted to. You know what that meant to a child in the '80s/'90s? George Carlin comedy specials, "Tales from the Crypt", Saturday night movie premieres, and "Taxi Cab Confessions".

I was also ahead of the curve on music. My first vinyl was Metallica's Master of Puppets and a first-run pressing of Led Zeppelin II... for my FIFTH birthday. The last vinyl I ever bought was Daydream Nation by Sonic Youth. The first CD I bought was a replacement for Puppets, and the next day I picked up Smells Like Teen Spirit... at the age of nine. In other words, I listened to awesome music before kids even knew that Raffi was a fucking tool-bot.

What does all of this have to do with my little sister BJ?

My mother's back has been bad for years, but it finally started deteriorating badly after the birth of BJ, so I took on a lot of the rearing duties (dad chips in sparsely, in every sense of the word). I decided to bring her up like I was, so, of course, that meant teaching her that movies are movies, songs are songs, and life is life, and they're not always the same thing. That's why I turned out normal, at least in the sense that I'm not a serial killer or date rapist because I watched "Beavis and Butt-head" when I was ten.

Anyway, the point is, not only is BJ a badass kid, she's one of my best friends. Shall I count the ways that she rules? Verily!

Here are the signs you have a cool-ass little sister...
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- You're watching "Two and a Half Men", and she says "Is that Duckie?"

- Her favorite television shows are "The Big Bang Theory", "How I Met Your Mother", "Family Guy", "South Park", and "The Office".

- She randomly walks up to me and goes "Eye-gore!", which is a prompt for me to say "Froderick!"

- As I was sitting here typing this, she walked up to me and said "Where did you find coconuts?"

- For her Easter presents this year, she wanted a new pair of Chucks and a belly-button ring. She got both, of course.

- She passed up the chance for other things at Christmas to get a twenty-dollar Castlevania: Symphony of the Night t-shirt.

- If she wakes up before me on Saturdays, she has it on Food Network to check out the new episodes of their morning line-up, especially "Down Home with the Neelys".

- Speaking of food shows, she thinks Adam Richman is cute, and worships "Man v. Food".

- She played Bioshock before I did, and I'm the one who downloaded it.

- The first game she picked out for her Nintendo DS was Chrono Trigger.

- She LOVES pro wrestling. Her favorite wrestlers are (it's a long list): Rob Van Dam, Jeff Hardy, CM Punk, Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair, The Rock, Kofi Kingston, AJ Styles, Bret Hart, Andre the Giant, Abyss, Samoa Joe, and Triple H.

- She also enjoys UFC. Her favorite fighter, by far, is GSP.

- When we're sitting around not wanting to watch anything specific, she always suggests one of five things: Dawn of the Dead '78, Friday the 13th (any part), Clue, Superbad, or reruns of "Spaced".

- Speaking of "Spaced", she's completely cool with naming our dog Colin, which is what is winning in our poll.

- She bought a Flash shirt the other day... because she KNOWS WHO THE FLASH IS.

- I'm a masterful Mario Kart: Double Dash!! player. BJ is one of my equals.
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In conclusion, as Barney would say, she is the Valedictorian of the University of Awesome, and she is awesome times awesome, which is awesome squared.

I love you, my little shitstorm of badass. Keep it cool, little sis, and always remember: one love.